Shares of Chesapeake Energy Corporation (“CHK”) soared this morning on news former CEO Aubrey McClendon has returned from the dead with a sure fire plan to save the dying company.
When asked his miraculous return from death, Aubrey said “Coming back from the dead is easy, especially when you just fake your death to avoid US Antitrust charges.”
Aubrey further revealed he had been living with an Amazon Tribe in the rain forest taking Ayahuasca. By taking massive doses of Ayahuasca, Aubrey claims he obtained the means of saving Chesapeake.
“Its really simple” Aubrey said. “In all my time on drugs I have encountered rich fools from another level of my conciseness through my third-eye dimension.”
McClendon further claims as soon as he can figure out how he can do an inter-dimensional money exchange, the sky is the limit for Chesapeake.
“Once Chesapeake’s funding from the other dimension is secure, there really is no limit to how high shares of Chesapeake can rise.
“We fully intend to outclass any Ponzi scheme in the market today. Tesla, WeWork and even Madoff will all just be small frauds when historians look back.”