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10 Key Lessons For New Traders

New traders
Image by Loya Liu from Pixabay

If you are like most people, you are stuck at home bored out of your mind because of covid-19 (more like hoaxid-19, jk…RIP Grandpa). It’s been months, and at this point you are sick of puzzles, your kids, and trying bake banana bread. So why not join the rest of society and jump into the hottest trend: day trading!

If you haven’t lost your job, its time to put that cushy salary to work while you’re muted on Zoom meetings. And if your gender-fluid ancient finger painting degree wasn’t enough to keep your barista position at Starbucks, use that stimulus check President Trump personally sent you. Here are some trading pointers from the professionals at Simple Jack Capital:

Lessons for new traders

  1. Only trade stocks that you heard about through Twitter, Facebook, or from a friend you know has zero trading experience.
  2. ALWAYS use margin. Margin lets you increase the amount of stock you can trade, but limits your risk. Any losses above what you put in are covered by your broker.
  3. If you are trading commodities and have a losing position, just take it into physical settlement and give them the wrong address.
  4. Using a market order during the day is a rookie mistake; save those types of orders for pre or post market hours where you get better fills.
  5. You only incur a loss if you sell. Like a guy who finished too early on prom night, just keep going and eventually it will work out.
  6. The term ‘options’ in options trading references the trader’s choice on whether they keep a losing trade or not.
  7. The IRS only taxes gains on stocks if you hold them for more than 1 day. Be sure to exit all trades in a matter of hours.
  8. If you post a screenshot of your trading gains online, RobinHood will give you a 10% bonus (15% bonus if profits are < $100). New accounts get up to 5 free trade do-overs with code ‘SIMP’.
  9. Try to only trade stocks below $1. The lower a stock is priced, the more upside there is.
  10. Don’t trade any cryptocurrencies or FX markets until you’ve taken a $500 online class from a bartender who has the following Instagram bio: ‘FX Queen: Follow Me to Leave the 9-5 Grind Behind’

Remember, only rich people trade stocks, so if you are not trading yet you are just one of the poors. Good Luck!