Dave Portnoy Warren Buffett
Source: Barstool Pizza Review

Here are the top ten reasons why Dave Portnoy, founder of Barstool Sports, is a much better investor than Warren Buffett.

  1. Dave Portnoy goes on Twitter and pumps his stocks, Warren Buffett doesn’t even know what the internet is.  Pumping your stocks on Twitter is a sure way to have unlimited gains.  Buffett only pumps his stocks once at year at his boring annual meeting.  This is a huge competitive advantage Portnoy has over Buffett.
  2. Dave is much younger, hip and less likely to wear a diaper. Warren is old and decrepit and likely wears a diaper.
  3. Dave’s company, Barstool Sports, has a much cooler and hip name compared to Buffett’s company, Berkshire Hathaway. Berkshire Hathaway is a dumb name.  Like why would want your empire to be named after a stupid textile mill? SENILE!
  4. Dave reviews and eats yummy pizza and Buffett just eats gross See’s Candy – yuck!
  5. Sometimes Dave is tan. Buffett is never tan.  That means Buffett just sits inside and reads annual reports. BORING!
  6. Who the heck is even named Warren? That name is old, boring and stupid.  Dave is a strong passionate name – like a roman emperor who eats pizza and chugs beer.
  7. Dave made a lot of money off airline companies (means lots of money). Buffett was stupid and sold airline companies even though the government bailed them out.
  8. Old and Decrypted Buffett can’t even make me laugh. Dave made me laugh at least twice but not more than three times.
  9. Dave called out Ross Gerber on Twitter and made Ross cry. Buffett bailed out Salomon Brothers – really boring thing to do.
  10. Dave can analyze and buy a company without even reading their 10-K. That takes some serious skills.  Buffett reads a 10-K with his glasses – people with four eyes are not cool.