Here are the top ten reasons why Dave Portnoy, founder of Barstool Sports, is a much better investor than Warren Buffett.
- Dave Portnoy goes on Twitter and pumps his stocks, Warren Buffett doesn’t even know what the internet is. Pumping your stocks on Twitter is a sure way to have unlimited gains. Buffett only pumps his stocks once at year at his boring annual meeting. This is a huge competitive advantage Portnoy has over Buffett.
- Dave is much younger, hip and less likely to wear a diaper. Warren is old and decrepit and likely wears a diaper.
- Dave’s company, Barstool Sports, has a much cooler and hip name compared to Buffett’s company, Berkshire Hathaway. Berkshire Hathaway is a dumb name. Like why would want your empire to be named after a stupid textile mill? SENILE!
- Dave reviews and eats yummy pizza and Buffett just eats gross See’s Candy – yuck!
- Sometimes Dave is tan. Buffett is never tan. That means Buffett just sits inside and reads annual reports. BORING!
- Who the heck is even named Warren? That name is old, boring and stupid. Dave is a strong passionate name – like a roman emperor who eats pizza and chugs beer.
- Dave made a lot of money off airline companies (means lots of money). Buffett was stupid and sold airline companies even though the government bailed them out.
- Old and Decrypted Buffett can’t even make me laugh. Dave made me laugh at least twice but not more than three times.
- Dave called out Ross Gerber on Twitter and made Ross cry. Buffett bailed out Salomon Brothers – really boring thing to do.
- Dave can analyze and buy a company without even reading their 10-K. That takes some serious skills. Buffett reads a 10-K with his glasses – people with four eyes are not cool.
