Kick a tenant out
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Owning real estate is one of the best ways to build long-term wealth.  It’s a passive income stream that generates cash when you sleep.  And if you are using property managers most of the headaches are pushed onto other people.  However, despite the fact that you are a type of God (landlord), sometimes you have to use you Godlike powers to kick a tenant to the streets.  Here are the 10 best ways to kick a tenant out of your rental property.

1. Use Brute Force

Using brute force to kick your tenant to the streets is probably one of the most effective ways to get the end result you are looking for.  Since you are a landlord you are already built like a bodybuilder.  You do squats, bench press and make out with dime pieces.  So if a tenant isn’t paying their rent, don’t be afraid to kick open their door and flex some muscle.  I personally like to juice up with steroids before using brute force.  This will make the veins in my neck pop out like the Hulk adding to my already scary persona.

2. Kidnap Their Pets

If a tenant isn’t paying their rent feel free to kidnap their pets.  You can use a kidnapped dog or cat as massive leverage to get your rent money and kick them out.  I personally like to kidnap a tenants pet then sends them pictures of their pet heading to the kill shelter.  It’s amazing how fast you will see results using this proven methodology.

3. Flood the Unit

Sometimes you have to use drastic measures to get a tenant out of your apartment.  I had this one tenant who wouldn’t leave my apartment because “squatters rights” or something like that.  I tried going through the court system but that was super bureaucratic and extremely boring.  To take matters into my own hands I decided to flood the apartment.  I ended up backing up the septic tank and having fecal matter shoot out of the toilets in the apartment.  In a few hours the apartment was covered in two feet of poop and pee and the tenant was out.  Then I sued the tenant for leaving a mess and made over $35,000 dollars.

4. Intercept their Mail

A really good way to get a loser tenant out of your apartment unit is to steal their mail.  Tenants love Amazon and buying junk on the internet.  It’s basically what they live for.  If your tenant hasn’t paid rent in a few months and refuses to leave your unit, start stealing their mail.  In a few weeks your tenants will start withdrawing from their funko pop fetish and find a new place to live.

5. Fleas

A pretty effective way to get a tenant out of your unit is to unleash a few million fleas into their unit when they are not home.  A few million fleas only cost $45 bucks on the dark net, which in my opinion has one of the highest ROI’s around.  After you unleash the fleas your tenant will likely not make it through the week until they find another place to live.  After they move out, charge a crazy cleaning fee and call them filthy pigs.

6. Hiding Under the Bed and Making Spooky Noises

When you have a really persistent tenant who won’t pay rent sometimes you need to get creative.  One way to get a tenant out of your apartment unit is to hide under their bed and wait for them to go to sleep.  After they fall asleep, make really spooky noises and pretend you are a ghost.  Since your tenant isn’t a landlord, they will get scared and run out of their unit like a little girl.  Once they run out of the unit change the locks quickly and sell all of their personal belongings on eBay.

7. Bury Roadkill Inside of the Walls

Hire a kid named Kyle and feed him Monster Energy Drinks.  Then when your tenant isn’t home go into the unit and have Kyle punch a few holes in the wall.  Once the holes are big enough stick roadkill inside of the holes and patch it up.  After a few weeks the unit will smell horrible and your tenant will move out.

8. Rearrange their Furniture

Anytime your tenant leaves your apartment unit go inside the unit and destroy everything.  Throw plates at the walls.  Take a knife and cut up the couch.  And make sure to break every funko pop in site.  In a few weeks your idiot tenant will have left and you can rent the unit out to someone who can actually pay you.

9. Burn the House Down

Sometimes drastic measures are needed for a horrible tenant.  When your tenant is gone on their weekly funko pop buying spree, pour gasoline all over the apartment and light it on fire.  This will not only get your tenant out of your apartment but you will collect a huge insurance check (means lots of money).

10. Remove the Roof

If a tenant stops paying rent sometimes the simplest way to get them out of your apartment is to remove the roof.  Removing the roof it next level landlord and will show your tenant how serious you are.  The longest I have seen a tenant last after I removed the roof my my apartment is three days.