
Nobody wants to be a value investor in this day of age. Value investors are scummy, worthless and have horrible returns. But once a value investor always a value investor. Here are twenty ways to tell if you are a value investor.
- You know you are a value investor when you tell everyone you invest for the long-run bu spend 99% of your time trying to predict next quarters revenues and EPS.
- You know you are a value investor when you won’t admit 99% of the value in your multi-segment DCF model comes from the terminal value.
- You know you are a value investor when your returns have trailed the S&P 500 for the past decade (they suck).
- You know you are a value investor when you constantly blame the Federal Reserve for your lack of absolute returns.
- You know you are a value investor when you write an insanely long investor letter four times a year to overcompensate for your lack of returns.
- You know you are a value investor when you won’t, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, invest in any tech stock because “you can’t understand it”.
- You know you are a value investor when you still wear the same suit you wore back college.
- You know you are a value investor when you calculate the liquidation value of every company you invest in even though ZERO of the companies you have ever invested in liquidate.
- You know you are a value investor when you constantly whine and moan about the FANG stocks being overvalued.
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You know you are a value investor when you will avoid buying any company with a solid business model because it’s “too expensive” but will go all in on a company that sells dog turds, trading a half times book value ran by a 105 year-old man who can’t remember his own name.
- You know you are a value investor when developed a tic (eye twitch, constant nose rubbing, picking your scalp, etc.) from under-performing the markets for so long.
- You know you are a value investor when you won’t admit your job is basically useless and provides almost zero incremental benefit to society.
- You know you are a value investor when you convince yourself daily you enjoy reading annual reports when in reality deep down you know how dry and boring it is.
- You know you are a value investor when you tell your angry clients who have been trying to redeem money for the past five years that this next month is the month.
- You know you are a value investor when everyone’s investment strategy is stupid besides yours.
- You know you are a value investor when an ice cube sitting in the summer sun looks exactly like your portfolio.
- You know you are a value investor when you will go all in on a dying newspaper business but won’t touch a company that is growing 25% per year.
- You know you are a value investor when your smell like mothballs.
- You know you are a value investor when you have no idea who Dave Portnoy is.
- You know you are a value investor when you quote Buffett 5,000 times in your annual letter.