Fake News

Asian Man Stuns the world by pulling out his junk

Long was never born in Asia. He was an American from birth. Grew up eating greasy cheeseburgers. Had a knack for shoving hotdogs down his throat like a slutty high school cheerleader in the boy’s locker room. Watched the fireworks in awe on the Fourth of July.

Despite Long’s American roots, racism plagued his every move. Kids would push him into lockers, calling him a chink, a gook, even a slant eye. Sometimes he would walk into class and see rice cookers on his desk. Other times bullies would try to fight him, trying to invoke Long to show them his “Kung-Fu” skills.

But the worst was the girls. Girls constantly provoked Long, telling him he had a little penis, a small “pp”, or just a little “rice doodle”. It was impossible for Long to get laid with that reputation, even a blowjob was out of the question. One time Long was close to getting a chick to suck his dick. Right before she was about to go down on him, she looked him in the eye and said, “can’t want to put that miniature eggroll in my mouth, do you happen to have soy sauce”.

Eggroll girl threw Long over the edge. He had a plan to show the whole school what kind of man he really was. The plan shocked the world.

On a Friday morning Long made it to class extra early. He hid in the closet of his morning math class waiting until everyone took their seats. When the teacher was taking attendance, he peaked out of the closet.

Everyone was there. It was his time to shine. Right when the teacher called Long’s name, Long busted out of closet, butt naked.

The class was shocked. Jaws dropped. Little Susie screamed. The teacher fainted. What they saw stunned them.

Hanging from Long’s crotch was the biggest ding-dong the world has ever seen. It was thick as a professional sized football. Had the length of a grown man’s forearm. And it pulsated like a panzer tank about to shoot its cannon into a group of Jews.

Long became a famous man that day. The size of his massive eggroll made him the king of the school. He got laid so many times. So, so many times.

Legend has it that Long died from having to much sex with beautiful women. Others say Bill Gates kidnapped Long and cut his penis off to feed starving kids in Africa. No one really knows what happened to Long. But if the rumors are true, if you put your ear up to a gapping vagina, you can hear the sounds of Long’s massive shlong wrecking the vaginas of virgin women.

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