Business/Finance

Genius toddler starts hedge fund at daycare

A genius toddler has recently started a hedge fund at his daycare. This makes him the youngest person to ever start a hedge fund.

According to the daycare supervisor, the genius toddler was always more remarkable than his other toddler peers. “You never caught the genius toddler with anything in his mouth,” the daycare supervisor said while rocking a less than genius baby to sleep. “He was one of the most behaved toddlers we have here. Sometimes he would only cry and poop his pants once a day.”

While the daycare supervisor was putting other less well-behaved and much dumber toddlers down for nappy time, the genius toddler took it upon himself to start a hedge fund. “I had no idea where the genius toddler found a laptop at,” the daycare supervisor said with a flustered look. “What is even more amazing is that the genius toddler had managed to raise $100 million in assets under management (AUM) before naptime was even over.”

We tried to ask the genius toddler what his favorite stocks were, but he just drooled and babbled at us. “He speaks a language of his own,” the daycare supervisor stated. “You will have to look at his Interactive Brokers terminal on his laptop to see what stocks he owns.”

When looking at the Interactive Brokers terminal it showed that the genius toddler was long Mattel, Inc. (MAT), Hasbro, Inc. (HAS) and Crown Crafts, Inc. (CRWS). The genius toddler was also short the Inverse Natural Gas ETN (DGAZ) which really shows his aptitude for taking and understanding risk.

The genius toddler named his hedge fund Firetruck after his favorite toy. Firetruck has already hired one PHD from Massachusetts Institute of Technology and a fresh MBA from Harvard University. The investor deck states that Firetruck is a long/short hedge fund with a focus on value investing, mixed with a portion of GARP. Firetruck is looking to raise up to one billion in AUM.

“My house has been jammed packed with lawyers, interns, and SEC attorneys lately,” the daycare supervisor said while sighing. “I never know who is going to be at the door next. But that is ok. I know this is the genius toddlers’ passions. I even have put my life savings into Firetruck.”

The genius toddler is going on CNBC next week to discuss the state of the market with Jim Cramer. The toddler even has a few gigs lined up with Fox Business News and Bloomberg. If you want to contact the genius toddler or learn more about Firetruck feel free to email him at geniustoddler@firetruck.com

 

 

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