Florida Man

A Florida man chases people around Walmart with fresh turd from toilet

A Florida man in a Walmart chased people around the store with poop and kissed the poop like a snickers bar before being arrested by authorities.

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Source: Smoking Gun

Bystanders of a local Walmart in southern Florida said a man raided the women’s bathroom for poop. A lady said that she was in the bathroom with her daughter when a distraught looking man busted in the stall next to her screaming incomprehensible words. Before she knew it, he had a fresh turd in his hand and proceeded to wave it around like a wand.

The Florida man continued his escapade with his new fresh brown friend outside of the bathroom in the local Walmart. The man started to chase innocent shoppers with the fresh turd.

“I didn’t know what was going on,” local Walmart shopper Cody Roland said. “I was just minding my own business then a man with a fresh turd started to chase me. I haven’t been that scared in ages.”

After chasing several individuals in the Walmart, the man started to kiss the turd.

“He was kissing the turd like it was a snickers bar,” local Walmart shopper Cody Roland told us. “It was the weirdest thing I have ever seen.”

The turd wizard was arrested this afternoon and is awaiting trial for disturbing the peace.

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39 replies »

  1. What city was this? I have to know. Chuckled at your writing, by the way… new little brown friend…. turd wizard… hilarious!
    Thanks for posting.

  2. Woul

    d’ve been even funnier if turd owner sued turd thief for unauthorized and improper use of personal property, to ensure he feces the consequences. lol

      • It’s just an implication of what he thinks you look like, and that you are funny.
        You’re not too old, he’s just a smartass.

      • Wow ok,,,,so I looked up Mrs Doubtfire and realize that’s a movie about a transvestite man who lives with children (wowwwww)?! So first off,,,I am a old lady (87) not a man who wears a dress,,,secondly,,,my name is Eloise Williams,,,that’s my name

  3. Eloise, you are amazing. This is the first time I have read your comments. They are hilarious.
    I wish I had a Grandma like you!

    • OMG yes darling. Let’s grab a beer,,,,or ten. I can actually drink a lot (because I am a well-seasoned drunk). The last time I got really drunk (1953) I danced on the bar table to Elvis (he is hot). Then my husband (he wasn’t old and ugly at the time) took me back to the hotel to a night I will never forget. Oh wow, I might have to steal my grandson’s xanax pills now to calm myself down.

      P.S. Jodi Smith
      do you smoke weed? (i do) but don’t tell the cops ok?

      • Omg I love you. We need laughter is the world. Keep up the good work. 😘😘😘😘❤️❤️❤️❤️

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