New York, NY – In a rather heated interview, a taxi driver stated that his favorite part of his job is running over pedestrians.
“Driving a taxi in NYC isn’t fun at all,” the taxi driver stated. “Getting in and out of traffic can be a real fucking headache. Furthermore, I have to deal with ungrateful rich bastards all morning. Then at night I get stuck picking up drunks who piss and puke everywhere. And the worst part is that Uber and Lyft are taking all of my business.”
The taxi drive went on like this for what seemed like four hours. I actually went to the bathroom to drain my overfilled bladder and the taxi driver continued complaining the entire time I was pissing. When I got back from the bathroom the interview took a turn down a street I will never forget.
“My favorite part of my job is running over unsuspecting pedestrians,” the taxi driver stated with a cold, dead look in his eyes.
I sat there stunned. Did I hear that right I thought to myself? I felt a warm sensation in my pants. A wet stain started to form near my crotch. “Fuck,” I pissed myself again.
“Oh yes,” the taxi driver stated. “I really enjoy running people over with my taxi.”
“Go on,” I said as I continued to piss myself.
“My favorite pedestrians to run over are the ones that j-walk. When I see someone j-walking I put the pedal to the metal and floor the car. Seeing the fear in their eyes right before I drive over their j-walking ass is one of the most amazing feelings I have ever experienced.”
The taxi driver told us that he has ran over more than 500 people. He tries to hit someone at least once per night. Sometimes he targets the same person. In fact, he has ran over this one lady over 30 times. “She just doesn’t learn her lesson about j-walking,” the taxi driver said.
We took a drive in his ugly yellow taxi that evening. He really wanted to show me how easy and fun it is to run over someone.
“You see that man right there,” the taxi driver pointed as stroked his unwashed beard. “That man has ugly shoes and his pants are too tight. Let’s run that fucker over.”
The taxi driver floored his vehicle. I felt like we were going two-hundred miles per hour. My head was thrown back into the seat of the car. My fat, boyish cheeks shook like the cellulite on a 450-pound ass walking down ten flights of stairs. I began to piss myself again.
Bam! The taxi slammed into the man as his limp body flew over the car. The taxi screeched to a halt.
“Take that you fucking idiot,” the taxi driver screamed out of his window. “Next time learn to dress yourself better.”
It was a night I will never forget. When I got home that night, I reminisced about running the man over with the taxi over a cold bowl of cream of mushroom soup. As I ate the soup I felt a warm sensation run down my leg. “Fucking bitch,” I said out loud. “I really need to stop pissing myself.”
- A Florida man chases people around Walmart with fresh turd from toilet
- Florida man arrested for launching filled diapers from catapult at moving cars
- 8 sexual images of your favorite U.S. Presidents
- Man starts hedge fund, can’t find anything to hedge
- If you get a text from this number, never respond to it
If you really enjoyed what you read, consider sharing the article! We would greatly appreciate it.
P.S. We are looking for creative people who enjoy writing. If you would like to write for us, please feel free to reach out.
Categories: Real News