Merica – A Midwest farmer told a local newspaper that he drinks one gallon of horse semen per day for good luck. The farmer disclosed that he “milks” several horses a day to stock up on fresh semen. The farmer has an entire cellar full of fresh horse semen that he has been stocking up on for decades.
“My daddy drank horse cum. His daddy drank horse cum. And his daddy before his daddy drank horse cum,” the Midwestern farmer told us. “Drinking horse cum has been a family tradition. The family legend goes something like the more horse cum you drink the more luck you will have.”
Luck is exactly what this Midwest farmer has experienced all his life. The farmer has won the lottery not once, but three times. He has a beautiful wife that has legs that don’t stop and any contest he enters he always wins.
“I’m telling you,” the farmer stated as he took a swig of sticky, milky semen. “Horse semen has good luck properties that are unexplainable. Ever since I have been drinking this stuff my luck has never ran out.”
The farmer explained how he puts horse semen in and on almost everything he digests. For breakfast he will put a big ole gob of horse semen in his coffee. He always puts horse semen on his toast in the morning as a substitute for jelly. And he loves drizzling gooey horse semen on his hotdogs.
“You can put horse semen on almost anything,” the famer said as he looked into his cellar full of horse cum like a man looks at his lover.
The farmer gave us a gallon of horse semen to take home and try. Instead of drinking the semen we decided to throw it off a bridge over an interstate highway onto unsuspecting cars. I can only imagine what those drivers thought when the sky began raining cum.
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Categories: Real News