8 fun hobbies to pick up during the next recession or apocalypse

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Good morning Vietnam. If you follow the markets, you know that the past two weeks have been the most volatile the American economy has seen in a while. The VIX volatility index is at its highest point since 2008, and equities have fallen around 13% since their highs two weeks ago.

This has drawn a lot of attention from the media and caused a lot of stress for the average American investor. I am here to tell you that it will be ok – economies move in cycles, recessions happen, circle of life or whatever. If this does turn out to be a full blow rec sesh, we might as well have fun while hemorrhaging money out of our ass and losing our 401Ks. Thus, 8 new, fun hobbies to pick up during the next recession/ apocalypse:

Recommended: Play “circle of life” from the lion king movie while reading. Such a banger

  1. Stand outside Jerome Powell’s house and harass him: “50 BIPS?! 50 BIPS??!! I AM GOING TO PISS IN YOU PILLOWCASE. LET ME IN JAY. LET ME IIIINNNN
  2. Make ice chips: So many fun flavor options! My favorite is avocado
  3. Calculate how much money you would have made if you shorted the top: “I should be a millionaire bro. I swear I was looking at puts on February 14th – I totally knew this was coming.
  4. Stare at the ceiling – do not look at your Schwab account: Everything is fine. Stonks go up, but sometimes they go down too.
  5. Petty theft: Easy way to make money regardless of economic conditions. Fun for the whole family
  6. Pray: “Please God/Buffett/Musk let TSLA hit 800 again. It’s my life’s savings.”
  7. New fed drinking game I just made up: Drink every time you hear the phase “the American economy has strong fundamentals.” You will probably be shitfaced by 10am Monday
  8. Call your ex-wife: Please Jessica, can I see the kids?

Have a great week, everyone!

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Source of featured image: J Pat Carter / AP



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