8 fun hobbies to pick up during the next recession or apocalypse


Good morning Vietnam. If you follow the markets, you know that the past two weeks have been the most volatile the American economy has seen in a while. The VIX volatility index is at its highest point since 2008, and equities have fallen around 13% since their highs two weeks ago.

This has drawn a lot of attention from the media and caused a lot of stress for the average American investor. I am here to tell you that it will be ok – economies move in cycles, recessions happen, circle of life or whatever. If this does turn out to be a full blow rec sesh, we might as well have fun while hemorrhaging money out of our ass and losing our 401Ks. Thus, 8 new, fun hobbies to pick up during the next recession/ apocalypse:

Recommended: Play “circle of life” from the lion king movie while reading. Such a banger

  1. Stand outside Jerome Powell’s house and harass him: “50 BIPS?! 50 BIPS??!! I AM GOING TO PISS IN YOU PILLOWCASE. LET ME IN JAY. LET ME IIIINNNN
  2. Make ice chips: So many fun flavor options! My favorite is avocado
  3. Calculate how much money you would have made if you shorted the top: “I should be a millionaire bro. I swear I was looking at puts on February 14th – I totally knew this was coming.
  4. Stare at the ceiling – do not look at your Schwab account: Everything is fine. Stonks go up, but sometimes they go down too.
  5. Petty theft: Easy way to make money regardless of economic conditions. Fun for the whole family
  6. Pray: “Please God/Buffett/Musk let TSLA hit 800 again. It’s my life’s savings.”
  7. New fed drinking game I just made up: Drink every time you hear the phase “the American economy has strong fundamentals.” You will probably be shitfaced by 10am Monday
  8. Call your ex-wife: Please Jessica, can I see the kids?

Have a great week, everyone!

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Source of featured image: J Pat Carter / AP


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