Billings, Montana – Local nine-year-old Billy Fontane made national news this morning calling zero percent interest rates idiotic. Billy continued to trash the current economic system yelling about how the Federal Government was creating moral hazard through massive bailouts and “growth” at all costs.
“I’m just a weather woman,” Amanda Baker said. “I was doing an on the road report of a small storm and suddenly this little boy grabs my microphone and starts going full out Jim Cramer.”
Jim Cramer is the notorious bald man who yells and screams on CNBC about various investments. Cramer is well known to the retail investing public as ‘Ding-Dong Cramer’.
“I couldn’t get the microphone back from him,” Amanda stated. “This kid had the strength of the Pitbull and the determination of the Chinese Government to hide important data from the rest of the world.”
Billy Fontane went on for a full ten minutes trashing the economic system as we know it. Billy spoke on record why he stole Amanda’s microphone and pissed on the economic doctrine.
“Why should there be a Federal institution that tells banks what rate they should loan money at,” Billy said in his childish voice. “Zero percent interest rates are idiotic. Why would anyone lend money at a zero percent rate?”
Billy continued to say how the Federal government was creating a moral hazard through massive bailouts. “No one is ever going to keep cash on their balance sheet ever again,” Billy said while picking his nose and eating it. “What is the point of having capital tied up in a bank account that yields zero percent when you can get a bailout from the Feds if you screw up?”
Billy’s parents say they have no idea what has gotten into him or where he learned economics. “Our kid amazes us every day,” Karen, Billy’s mom said. “For an example all Billy wanted for his birthday was this picture of a guy name John Maynard Keynes so he could throw darts at it.”
Billy’s video went viral last night when economic legend, Peter Schiff, shared it on its social media page. When asked what common folk should do to protect themselves during the downturn Billy said, “Buy gold, guns and liquor. That is the best hedge against the worst economic downturn the world will ever see.”
In other news, a local man started an airplane company last week and expects a $10 million dollar bailout.
