90-Year-Old Man Says He’s Willing to Make the Ultimate Sacrifice for Your 401K

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Palm Beach Springs, Florida – Morris J. McArthur, a 90-year-old retired schoolteacher and veteran of WWII, released a statement from Sagging Wood Retirement Community on Tuesday:

On behalf of all senior citizens of America, I implore our leaders to open the economy immediately. I survived Pearl Harbor, served time in a Japanese POW camp, caned Vietnam War protestors and helped President Reagan smuggle weapons to Iran to fund rebel groups in Latin American. I love this country and I love hundred-baggers.

I currently live in a retirement community for combat veterans and our spouses in Florida. Every day, we wake up at 5am; we sing the National Anthem and God Bless America; we ogle Becky Quick; and we trade penny stocks (all great companies started as small companies).

I have made sacrifices for this nation that people like Adam Schiff, Nancy Pelosi and that pretty-boy [George Soros] can only dream of. I did not risk life and limb so that Americans could sit at home and knit scarves while the Russell 2000 collapses due to the common cold. Letting the poor and weak die is patriotic.

Since the end of February, I have watched hundreds of pundits, doctors and hedge fund managers get on TV and pretend to give a rats’ behind about the elderly. But I have not heard a CNBC anchor interview a single brave man or woman from a retirement community. They don’t ask us what we want.

What we want is simple: we want our Viagra manufactured in America. We want our weed to be made free of pesticides. We want to debate who killed Kennedy. But most of all, we want stocks to go up.

I’m willing to die for the stock market. But more importantly, WE are willing to die for the stock market.

Mr. President – Open it back up. Dow 50,000!!!

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