Problem tenants

Being a landlord can be rough. Not only do we have to deal with the endless reams of paperwork and vilification by the media, we are also left with the burden of dealing with the nation’s poors. Thankfully, here at The Stonk Market we have created a 5-step guide to dealing with problem tenants:

  1. Assert your dominance over your tenant. If your tenant is playing up, show them who’s boss. Every relationship requires work, and one of the ways in which you can re-establish a working relationship with your tenant is by reminding them that they are a poor and you are a rich (wealthy).
  2. Report them to social services for abusing their kids. Let’s face it, that single mother you’re housing just isn’t doing a good job raising her kid. Reporting her to social services would not only lead to a better life for her child, but will also increase her disposable income, allowing you to hit her with a handy rent hike.
  3. Turn off gas, electricity and water. If your tenant isn’t paying their rent, this is a very quick and effective way to get hold of their attention. By making the property uninhabitable you will force your tenant to either pay rent or live somewhere else. Either way, you ensure that the poor living in your house is paying their fair share.
  4. Liquidate their assets. If your tenant is clearly unable to pay rent, why should you be the one to suffer? One way to alleviate your hardship is to seize and liquidate the tenant’s assets. Things like televisions, iPhones and tablets can fetch a tidy sum on eBay.
  5. Set fire to the property. This seems like a drastic measure and should only be used as a final resort. It is an easy way to force your tenant to move somewhere else and also collect a hefty insurance payout.

So there you have it, a 5-step guide to dealing with those pesky poors.