Hello there 🙂

My name is Eloise Williams. Please follow my Twitter! I do not have many friends but I am always tweeting because I think that I am so clever and hopefully can make you smile.

Well, I am not sure what else to type so I will tell you a little bit more about myself. I was born in 1941. That is a long time ago so that means I am old. I am actually 87 years old but don’t look a day over 23 (not really, I look like I am 87 years old).

My favorite thing to do is watch the stonk market go up and down. I am actually a professional Stonk Market Trader. My favorite stonks are the ones that go up and not down.

I like to take a multi-facet approach when I buy stonks. I typically build out an elaborate DCF model (modeling out each segment) and analyzing the different moving parts a business has. Sometimes I build a sum-of-the-parts model but I only do that to make myself look smart and not dumb.

After studying an industry for a while (means I know it well) I will look at the macro economic forces that affect the future cash flows of that business. If the macro economic forces that affect the cash flows are too hard for me to understand I will just ignore them because I don’t like to do things that are hard.

When I can’t get that much upside after I build out a DCF model, I will decrease the discount rate until I get an attractive target price. This assures my model will look good on paper and actually will make me look smart in front of my friends (they are all old too).

I have been trying to get Warren Buffet (that modestly rich guy who made money in the stonk market) to start a subscription business on Twitter. I see guys like Tim Sykes on there pushing their product all of the time and I think Mr. Warren could make a killing and actually double his net worth if he makes a subscription product for retail investors. If you have Mr. Warren’s number can you have him call me 🙂

Here is a picture of me.


I have lost access to my Etrade account because I cannot remember my password. Here is my social security number (555-69-1234). Can you help me get access to it?

Disclaimer: Almost everything on this site is satire and/or fiction. If you are dumb enough to believe it then you should go back to school. 

P.S. O’Doyle Rules!