Wall Street – In a shocking turn of events, Evan Bradshaw, equity research analyst at Bank of America made the financial discovery of a lifetime. “I was building a multi-segment DCF model for a really complicated company when I realized stocks actually time travel,” Evan said.
Evan went onto explain how he had been building DCF models his entire career and never came to the realization that stocks actually time travel. “I’ve built around 1,000 multi-segment DCF models over the course of my ten-year career at Bank of America. When I found out stocks time travel, I was floored.”
After Evan found out that stocks time travel he officially declared DCF models useless. “I just closed my laptop and called it quits. My entire career was based on forecasting cash flows for the next ten years out. Now that I know stocks time travel what use is forecasting?”
Evan showed us a chart that proves that stocks in fact do time travel.
“As you can see from the chart,” Evan stated. “Stocks do time travel. The redline is the price of a stock in time. The Y-axis shows the value of the stock over its trajectory and the x-axis shows what time period the stock is in.”
Evan said that he never realized before but you can just draw the stock line anyway you want – even take it back years. “This is a breaking development in stock market analysis that is likely to win me a noble prize,” Evan said. “I never realized it but you can just draw anything you want in your technical graphs. Taking a graph back in time effectively proves time travel exists in stocks.”
Evan has recently quit his analyst position at Bank of America and spends his time dropping hits of LSD and writing squiggly numbers in Microsoft Paint.
