Beyond Meat Launches Human Meat Substitute for Cannibals


El Segundo, California – Beyond Meat Inc. (“BYND” or “The Company”) the food company engaged in the provision of revolutionary plant-based meats announced this morning in a press release a new groundbreaking product for cannibals.  The innovative new product is called  â€˜The Cannibal Burger’ and is a human meat substitute made wholly from plant-based products designed for Cannibals who live in the Amazon.

“We are excited to launch into this new frontier of plant-based meat,” Ethan Brown, CEO of Beyond Meat stated.  “We believe Beyond Meat is a first mover into the human meat-based plant substitute for cannibals.  No one else is doing this!”

An investor presentation by Beyond Meat, filed in the recent 8-K on 5/7/2020, estimates the human meat-based plant substitute to be a billion-dollar industry.  With Beyond Meat’s first mover status, analysts reckon Beyond Meat could capture 50% of this market in the back-half of 2020.

“Our new human meat-based plant substitute tastes just like a fresh human arm,” Ethan Brown stated.  “We have taste tested our new Cannibal Burger with actual human meat and of our 10,000 taste tests, no one can tell the difference between the real meat and our fake meat.”

Cannibal’s across the Amazon have cheered as the Cannibal Burger is set to launch in local Amazon Walmart Supercenters next week. 

“There is pent up demand for the Cannibal Burger,” an associate at a Walmart Supercenter located in the Amazon stated.  “It will be good to finally sell an alternative to human meat.  I’m getting a little sick of grinding human limbs into burger to be honest.”

Beyond Meat soared at the open this morning.  Investors estimate the incremental EBIT added to Beyond Meat’s bottom line will significantly benefit future cash flows and valuation multiples.

Success! You're on the list.