White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki has confirmed Tuesday that after a recent trip to Whoville President Biden and his entourage have been banned from future visits. Concerns arose over the weekend after Biden flew to Whoville on the Lolita Express with the supposed intention to “give the struggling children of Whoville all the love and candy a child deserves”. Reports suggest that after only a matter of minutes upon landing, President Biden was found with pockets full of Werther’s Original butterscotch hard candy while seemingly trying to smell the hair of young Whoville resident Cindy-Lou Who.
The Biden Administration at first attempted to downplay the situation as routine. A statement released describes the situation as “completely normal, all informed voters should be completely aware of Biden’s propensity towards the inhalation of fumes originating from a minor.” Biden himself has commented that children are like Jimmy John’s, they offer free smells.
Yankee Candle Co has taken the side of President Biden and have announced the commemorative special edition Joe Biden scented candle to celebrate continued diplomatic relations between the United States and Whoville. This limited addition scent is said to invigorating with the juxtaposition of soft baby shampoo and the rich aromas of free base cocaine. On sale for $9.99, if you are the kind of Hunter that is always looking for a crack at a good deal, this great offer will not cost you like child support after a wild night with a stripper.
Mayor of Whoville, Augustus Maywho, has commented that residents of Whoville adamantly believe in the idea that children are meant to be treated like humans, not like canines locked in cages and identified based upon scent. President Biden started to respond with a question on how you keep the children from running away if you do not put them in cages before a senior staffer reminded Biden it was past time for his mid-morning nap. Just like an EV, Biden requires hours of recharging before going any sort of distance.
