Bill Ackman Spotted Crying in McDonald’s Parking Lot

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Pershing Square executive Bill Ackman was spotted in a NYC McDonald’s parking lot crying in his car according to a teenage employee. CCTV security footage of the driver and license plate confirmed the identity of the executive.

16-year-old Nia Michaels was sent out to the parking lot to deliver 12 Mcdoubles to the idling Maserati. “Normally McDonald’s prides itself on speed of service, however for orders of this magnitude for a small family we ask that customer’s place the order inside the store” said a McDonald’s Executive.

In a written statement, the young McDonald’s employee said over Instagram DM “It was kind of pathetic to see. As I approached the car, I could see he was looking at his Robinhood app. I barely recognized it because it was red. My friends and I all have the green Robinhood app. It was one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever seen. A grown man crying about a phone game.”

Robinhood, the phone stock market game popular with teenagers, when reached for comment was unable to provide further details due to SEC regulations. “The privacy of our customers is our highest priority” a spokesperson said in an email to the Stonk Market.

This isn’t the Wall Street tycoon’s first public breakdown. In 2013 Ackman faced off with fellow billionaire Carl Icahn over a failed Herbalife bet. The two billionaires got very emotional as they exchanged insults live on the CNBC stream to the amusement of floor traders.

Pershing square has had a run of bad luck the last couple of years. Pershing is down 15% off its 2015 highs while an army of teenage Robinhood day traders are sharing all their massive gains on social media. Many institutional investors are now starting to wonder why they pay the Paris Hilton of finance management fees when their bratty teenager home from boarding school is posting such massive gains using nothing more than their iPhone.



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