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BlackRock announces Tulip ETF

BlackRock ETF, Tulips

WALL STREET – With the market ripe with financial bubbles all around, a financial titan is looking back to revive new opportunities from old pump and dump schemes. BlackRock CEO Larry Fink, expressed his excitement with this exciting new ETF offering.

“We truly feel that the market for bubbles needed something new, with all these financial zombie no income companies competing for a limited number of greater fools. We feel this trend will soon crowd out an already saturated market.”

The new offering BlackRock is issuing will be an exchange traded fund (“ETF”) for tulips. Larry Fink continued.

“What makes tulips such an extraordinary investment is they are a commodity and not just pieces of paper with no intrinsic value.  Investors can view drawings of the blooming flowers so they can pick the ETF that will bloom with colors they like.”

The new tulip ETF has become the new hot security on Wall Street.  Robinhood traders have begun to talk the value of tulips up on popular sites such as Reddit’s Wall Street Bets.

“Tulips are so valuable there was a time in history when a single bulb could buy an entire house,” Larry Find stated.  “We know we are doing God’s work giving our investors such an incredible opportunity at creating such value. Especially in a world filled with such trashy paper securities.”

BlackRock plans to launch the ETF on Monday.  The offering is oversubscribed.