The Stonk Market has recently completed an investigation how Mike Bloomberg is making his money. The truth is it looks like he is funneling a lot of profits from the marijuana military complex to his news corporation. Former president Dwight D Eisenhower warned us of this looming threat more than 50 years ago, and we are just now learning how far it reaches into the economic, and political spheres of the United States.
For the readers whom are unaware of the Marijuana Wars, we will provide a brief synopsis of this terrible conflict. Started in 2012 on April 20th at 04:20 contractor Lockweed Martin accidentally launched a hellbong missile from a frigate that struck Washington D.C. tipping other events into motion that escalated in full out weed warfare.
The enemies are a mysterious bunch hiding in the fog of bongs most of the time, and launching their guerilla warfare tactics on innocent civilians. We are still currently in this conflict. Distinguishing foes from friends is a tough task, but The Stonk Market now has identified a profiteer from this conflict.
Failed presidential candidate Mike Bloomberg has been seen selling fully loaded marijuana AR-10’s that can get 30 people stoned in less than 15 seconds. He is also working on developing a spicy marijuana ICBM that can make an entire city’s population become “high” instantaneously. All the while making his green, while distributing “green ganja” weapons of war to cause many losses of life in this senseless war. One of the latest confirmed causalities is Donny Trump a New York born citizen. His life was cut so short at the age of 74 in a quick rip of bong smoke.
We are unaware if Mike Bloomberg is aware of his place in this marijuana military complex, or he is just another cog in the machine. All we know he is contributing to the fatalities, and making cash-money. By identifying this individual, and his corporation hopefully we can curb the supply of weapons of weed and turn the tide. We are all in this together, and just hoping for a peaceful end to this conflict.
Photoshop by the amazing @EnronChairman