Bobby Axelrod

Bobby Axelrod took corporeal form, and hostages, after successfully climbing out of the television, becoming real, and finding out he was in Yonkers.

“I fu€%ing hate Yonkers!” he said. “When did this dog$^#t town get premium cable? I thought I was in Manhattan! For that, you get tied to a chair.”

Axelrod has a complex relationship with his hometown, but he was also upset that Billions is on hiatus, due to complications from the Coronavirus.

“I can’t believe they think this ‘virus’ is more important than my show,” he said. “Get me Koppelman, Sorkin, or Levien. Hell, get me the president of Showtime, and tell him that if I don’t get back on TV, I’ll short Viacom into the ground! His stock will be as worthless as a Weimar Deutschmark!“

The homeowner, who was a fan of the show until meeting Axelrod, told him that filming had been suspended. Cast and crew, especially Damian Lewis, we’re worried about risks from the virus.

“Who the hell is Damian Lewis?” asked Bobby Axelrod.

“Uhh, that’s a complicated,” said the homeowner, who explained that Lewis plays him.

“What the f&*k are you talking about?” asked Axelrod. “Nobody ‘plays’ me. I don’t get ‘played’. I’m the one who plays you! I’m gonna find this impostor and he’ll be treated by the rules of Highlander. There can only be one!”

Axelrod is currently at large, and considered dangerous. The actor Damian Lewis is sheltering at an undisclosed location, watching old episodes of Band of Brothers, and trying to summon Captain Winters out of the screen for protection.