Senator McConnell’s

The House of Representatives has voted to impeach Senator Mitch McConnell’s neck fat—making it the first body part in American history to be impeached. 25 Republicans have sided with Democrats in the ongoing vote for impeachment with the count currently standing at 240-179.

217 votes were needed to impeach the atrocity that has danced gently in the wind, while McConnell has spewed democracy-sinking nonsense for the past 40 years. Its jovial cadence mocking the powerless Americans his words simultaneously disenfranchised and maddened.

“This is a big day for Democracy,” Senate Majority Leader, Chuck Schumer said. “It is hard to describe the incurable rage I felt watching ‘Ol McConnell up at the podium, that heinous flab of skin bouncing up and down as he bloviated his obstructionist rhetoric. Nearly ran up and ripped it off myself a time or two.”

While the announcement came as a shock to most of the general public, some of the more savvy political analysts were not surprised at the result.

“We haven’t seen a governmental body part this under fire—since Slick Willy’s, well, ‘willy.’” One source told me.

Generally speaking, I like to stay away from the use of anonymous sources, as it often does a disservice to the people, but after watching a grown man helplessly weep for fear of violent retribution from the Clinton’s for his speaking out against them on record—I felt compelled to protect his identity.

After all, we saw what they did to Jeffery Epstein—and he never even got a chance to share the atrocities he witnessed 42 commit. Cigar dangling from his lips, whiskey in hand, and that heat seeking johnson in his other—chasing teenagers around the compound.

Interestingly, it appears that the flood gates may have burst open—in terms of eliminating McConnell’s hateable features, as a there have now been murmurs that his weird, toothless, smirk may be next on the chopping block.