two masks

According to a new CDC report, wrapping two masks around your OTM call option portfolio will help insulate and protect your money from stock market volatility.

“We recommend every Robinhood and WallStreetBets investor to wrap at least two masks around your OTM call option portfolio,” the CDC stated in a note this afternoon. “You might want to wrap three or four masks around it to be safe,” the report added.

The CDC provided helpful guidelines which stated wrapping two or three masks around your computer screen that you trade OTM call options on will allow it so you won’t see the massive losses your portfolio will take when the market crashes.

“If you think the market will have a volatile day just wrap a mask or two around your terminal so you don’t see your screen,” the CDC stated. “This way if the market is tanking your are just oblivious to what is going on.”

The CDC backtracked on its previous mask statement 30 minutes after putting out the new guidelines. “Just buy the dip,” the CDC stated on its revised statement. “If there is market volatility buy the dip.”