Gary Indiana

CHICAGO – Feeling relieved after the trek out of Chicago, Susan Evans reportedly fell to her knees and kissed the rusted, tarnished ground of Gary, Indiana.  “Lord, thank you for guiding our family out of Chicago,” Susan rejoiced while throwing her arms in the air.  “You have guided us to the Promised Land and for that I am ever grateful.”

Millions like Susan made the dangerous trek out of Chicago to the Promised Land of Gary, Indiana.  Mike Taylor, 45, said he had enough of Chicago.  “My property taxes go up and up every year,” Mike Taylor exclaimed.  “And with the violence increasing I had enough.”

The mass exodus out of Chicago has been profound, to say the least.  Millions are are fleeing due to rapidly increasing taxes, a circle of violence that continues to increase and politicians who just don’t seem to have their priorities straight.  When COVID hit, the exodus increased ten-fold.

“I’ve lived in River North for the past 10 years,” Emily Carson, 34, stated.  “When me and my husband first bought our place we were ecstatic. Since then my property taxes have more than quadrupled, the HOA has doubled and the valuation on my condo is flat.  We threw the towel in last week and moved to the Wonderland of Gary, Indiana.”

Experts estimate over 1,000 people are fleeing Chicago per day.  This estimate is expected to double in 2021 as leases are not extended.

Kevin Andrews, father of four, recently moved his family to Gary.  “We were tired of all the gunshots,” Kevin stated.  “We heard about rumors about a Promised Land called Gary, Indiana, but thought it was dream, a long-shot.  But when we found out Gary was a real place we went all in and moved here.”

While speaking with us, Kevin Andrews contracted asbestos from abandoned steel mills that surround Gary and a pack of 15 rats ate his flesh.  Kevin’s wife assured us the rest of the family was still happy with their decision.