China’s Xi: ‘US Is Now The Most Powerful Communist Country In History’

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BEIJING – In what can only be described as a shocking admission of defeat, sources say that China’s President Xi conceded to the US the title of most powerful communist country in history, even beating out such former greats as the Soviet Union and Eritrea. This admission took place at the April 22 closed door meeting with the Politburo Standing Committee, where the lunch menu consisted of chao fan, baozi and Big Macs.

Sources familiar with the meeting stated that Xi was incredulous at how easily US citizens allowed their basic freedoms to be bulldozed “like a Tienanmen protester under a tank tread”. Xi sighed, “We have been beaten at our own game. Bigly.” Xi was overheard during a break conceding that President Trump had outmaneuvered him. An exasperated Xi confessed, “He was playing mahjong, while I was playing Chinese checkers.”

This comes on the heels of contentious trade negotiations between the two countries over the last several years. However, in light of the recent shift to communism in the US, Xi expects full cooperation with the US as a trading partner. In a light hearted moment during a phone call with Mr. Trump last week, Xi proclaimed, “Money printer go brrr! Just like us!”

Written by Chadford Whitmore VI

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