CNN Trump

In a series of leaked texts to the CNBC CEO, CNN President, Jeff Zucker wrote, “Theoretically, if the media did have the power to influence an election or popular uprising it could really help our bottom line… If only we had the ability to repeat a narrative so many times that everyone just agreed with it and then acted out in an unpredictable spontaneous uprising at predetermined date and time.”

With almost half their primetime viewership lost since the inauguration among viewers between 25-54 CNN is desperate. “We at least were smart enough to lock our readers into unbreakable subscriptions, Dean Baquet, Executive Editor at the New York Times said. “Have you ever tried to cancel a monthly internet subscription? It can’t be done.”

Jack Dorsey founder of Twitter was overheard on a hot mike at a recent Clubhouse forum complaining that “even selling that absurd NFT of my first tweet did nothing to ramp up TWTR stock” and that he’s considering accidentally reinstating Trumps account and blaming it on an intern.