College Students Across the Country Drop Out to Attend the University of r/wallstreetbets

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Former college students turned full time autists praise the subreddit r/wallstreetbets for giving them the courage to drop out of school and trade stocks for a living, namely long OTM options trades.

“Modern day education just teaches you how to become an employee, which is pretty lame. r/wallstreetbets teaches you out to make big bucks.”

Mass exoduses across college campuses has become the norm as the realization that “stocks only go up” becomes a reality. What once was a proclamation by day-trading guru Dave Portnoy, has manifested itself into a truly awesome actuality.

Why waste time on a useless degree

“Why would you waste $40k for a useless degree when you could buy OTM $SPY calls next week expiry? You are guaranteed to make money in this market. And if you don’t, you’re an idiot.”

Students point to SPY’s performance since the March lows as the basis of their claim. It’s hard to argue logic quite like this. Some are even claiming that Jerome Powell, the current chair of the Federal Reserve, will do whatever it takes to keep markets propped up.

“This is the most low-risk, high-reward opportunity of our lifetime. Why waste time and money learning about stuff you don’t care about when you could be raking in tendies?”

Drop outs across the country are trading in 30 racks for triple leveraged oil ETFs for their primary source of excitement. It’s hard to argue the logic of these newborn autists when DDTG Global’s green hammer basically serves as the proverbial kryptonite to bears everywhere. STOCKS ONLY GO UP.

“I took what was left of my student loans and tripled in thanks to Apple calls on earnings. My buddy from my orgo class made $10k off Kodak because he found his old disposable camera we used our freshman year to take vintage photos of us dorm storming, and decided to buy the stock as a joke.”



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