WASHINGTON D.C. – The Chevy Chase based pizzeria and epicenter of the 2016 #Pizzagate conspiracy theory announced Tuesday that it will be joining Bitcoin podcaster Anthony Pompliano’s “Bitcoin Pizza” movement. The site of the heavily debunked conspiracy theory involving some of the top democratic leaders of the country hopes that this pivot will help rebrand the restaurant as an innovative leader in the pizza space, rather than the focus of basement dwelling incels trying to rationalize their own failings in life.
“We are excited to join the Bitcoin community and its storied history of stable, yet fast-moving innovation,” said Comet Ping Pong owner Pete Ofilia. “To celebrate the occasion, we are now offering three new specialty pies named after some of the leaders in the Bitcoin world.”
The new pizzas can be purchased with Bitcoin, untraceable cryptocurrency Monero, or unmarked non-sequential U.S. dollars.
The “Tony,” named after Anthony Pompliano is a standard pepperoni with jalapenos.
The “Michael,” named after MicroStrategy CEO Michael Saylor includes onions, olives, and triple helping of anchovies.
The “Cathie,” named after ARK Invest’s Cathie Wood has proven to be the most popular, despite the fact that what is pictured is simply an empty pizza box.
Regular customers were surprised to find that these Bitcoin pizzas were priced significantly higher than Comet Ping Pong’s standard fare. Starting at $1,000, for the “Tony,” these pizzas seem to be reserved to only the most committed Bitcoin pizza fans.
When asked whether selling sky-high priced pizzas with cryptocurrency would spark new suspicions in the Qanon conspiracy world, Ofilia shrugged and replied, “I can’t really help what people believe on the internet, but I can make a lot of money selling… uh… pizzas… to the nation’s leaders.” Ofilia later added, “Lots and lots of money, like a lot.”