Couple Uses Stimulus to Finally Take Honeymoon 

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After 50 years of marriage, Earl and Darlene Tartaglia of Far Rockaway, Queens, can finally take a honeymoon. “Thanks to the man who signed that stimulus check, President Donald J. Trump!” said Earl.

The couple plans to go to the beach in Nova Scotia, where Darlene can sunbathe safely and Earl can use his metal detector. They had originally planned to honeymoon in 1970, but a large corporate bankruptcy got in the way.

“I worked for the Penn Central Railroad, and then they went bankrupt,” said Earl. “And then Darlene got a job at Kmart, and they went bankrupt. Twice. And then we lost our investment in Enron. And then we couldn’t sell the house. But we’re not victims! We’re wage-entrepreneurs whose bodies are on an accelerated depreciation schedule, with no health insurance, who keep losing our pensions. But we’ve got no one to blame but ourselves! Because we’re American.”

Friends and family of the couple have advised them against traveling, especially since their old age makes them more vulnerable to the sickness from Covid-19. But Earl is taking a more philosophical view.

“I mean, how often do you come across $1,200 bucks?” asked Earl. “You got to make it special.”



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