ROCHESTER, NEW YORK – In yesterday’s trading session Eastman Kodak soared over 300% after making a splashing development in the race to find a cure for COVID-19. According to Kodak, COVID-19 is cured with the flash of a camera.
“I accidentally threw a Polaroid Kodak camera at an interns face, Jim Continenza, Executive Chairman stated. “The next thing I knew our stock was up 300% and the government was willing to give us $765 million dollars.”
According to the intern, Continenza threw a Polaroid camera at his face after the KodakCoin amounted to zero cash flows.
“When the camera hit my face all I saw was a flash. The next thing I knew I was in a hospital with scientists surrounding me.”
According to the scientists, the intern was miraculously cured from COVID after getting smacked in the face with a Polaroid camera.
“It’s the most interesting development science has seen,” Robert Bryan, a spokesman for the Defense Production Act stated. “Apparently the cure for COVID is a Polaroid smashing into your face at 25 mph.”
Given the discovery, Eastman Kodak has now ramped up production of their Polaroid camera line. “We are firing on all cylinders now,” Continenza stated in a conference call. “This is like 1988 again.”
Despite the notable success Kodak has made, thousands of penny stocks have changed their business models, stating they manufacture or produce Polaroid cameras to participate in the markets excitement.
One penny stock even put out a press release they have developed an electric vehicle Polaroid camera. The valuation soared to $20 billion, as Robinhood Traders looked to get rich.