Sources close to the NYPD have confirmed that there have been numerous sightings, throughout all 5 boroughs, of groups of children fleeing playgrounds in extreme fear and distress. At each playground, a group of old men in workout gear, doing pull-ups on the jungle gym, was observed. These maniacs were reported to have been mixing and slamming vodka and Metamucil at a furious pace. “Playa, you don’t know MEATLOAF!!!” was repeatedly screamed by all the members of the group. After each did 2.25 pullups, they grabbed their fanny packs and hobbled off into the night. BEWARE the Bad Grandpas NYC; you’ve been warned….
By Craig Tilliton