WASHINGTON D.C. – Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases unveiled the latest initiative to thwart the Coronavirus Friday in the form of a small tattoo that will be administered to fully vaccinated Americans’ foreheads.
Americans that accept what has been deemed the “Passport Tattoo” will receive preferential treatment in public buildings, airports, and over 1,000 nationwide retail and food chains that have signed on to support the effort. Most importantly, bearers of the tattoo will be exempt from state and national mask requirements, a move that many in public health hope will encourage more people to get vaccinated.
“Getting this small mark will signal to you family and neighbors that you care about the health of yourself and others around you,” Dr. Fauci said. “When we get to the point where a majority of our citizens have this tattoo, we can proudly walk forward into the new world order.”
Experts believe public health officials face an uphill battle deploying the tattoo. Many Americans are still reluctant to get the Coronavirus vaccine and asking for an additional step of getting a forehead tattoo could simply be a bridge too far. Zebedia Jones is a self-described “YouTube-trained Physician” who disagrees with the latest ask from America’s public health agencies.
“It just don’t make sense,” said Jones, “why can’t they just find a weakened version of the virus and start exposing us to that? These guys are just obsessed with needles. They want to poke us with vaccines and now they want to tattoo us too?”
Some in the religious community have also pushed back, likening the design to the “666” described as the “mark of the beast” in the Bible’s Book of Revelations. However, the creator responsible for the design, Lucy Pher, called these criticisms unfounded and a sign that “people are just looking for things to complain about.”
“I’m quite frankly disgusted that people would mistake the design, which pays homage to the two snakes from the ‘caduceus’ medical symbol and the six scientists that helped develop the mRNA vaccine technology, to some biblical number no one has ever heard of,” said Pher.
The design was selected among over 2,000 submissions which included alternatives such as “OKBOOMER,” “IMMUNI-YEET,” and “ELONDOGE.”
Anachronistic design disputes aside, many logistical hurdles are poised to dampen the deployment of the tattoo passport. The initiative requires conscripting the nation’s army of tattoo artists to administer the design; an unprecedented act that free market thought-leaders have likened to socialism.
Despite the challenges, Dr. Fauci appears undeterred as ever to see the latest move against the coronavirus succeed.
“We will get this done, come hell or high water!” concluded Fauci.