Ethereum is making waves in the crypto market after passing the $3,000 mark, almost a 29% increase in the past week alone. Many crypto speculators tried to say this is the result of altcoin technology being built on the Ethereum network, but The Stonk Market’s top crypto analysts believe this price surge is upon the realization drugs can be bought with Ethereum on the black market.

We interviewed local junkie Davis, who gets his crack fix online because he doesn’t want to deal with sketchy street dealers. Davis said, “Yeah man, Ethereum is just real easy to use, I like it better than Bitcoin but gas fees be fuckin me sometimes man. Like sometimes I want 10 grams of crack rock but I gotta settle for 7, but it’s cool though it’s some real premium crack.”