Everyone Laugh And Point: Australia Only Has A $2 Trillion Equity Market

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Unbeknownst to most financially educated (rich) civilians, Australia has its very own equity market.

In addition to the mines, there’s nothing else. So we keep digging deep down here because it’s a big, barren island with hardly any people.

This is very helpful when it comes to keeping the pesky greenies out of the eye of any major media outlet who definitely doesn’t care about the .00000001% Australia contributes to the global GDP.

According to the Australian Minister for the Environment, “We can’t really be screwed, because there’s already no water.”

Opposed to the $35 trillion dollar US equity market, Australia has a measly $2 trillion. Analysts should take note that Dominos Pizza stonks cost more than essentially every Australian bank presently being traded on the ASX.

This is because Australians are drunk and pizza matters more than financial security when it’s 90 degrees outside (35C) and you need something delivered to go with your beer. Particularly considering that most Aussie companies are too poor to offer delivery.

Sometimes retail companies charging zillions more for their products than online joints make money on the Aussie market, like Harvey Norman. This is because we’re too poor for any serious e-commerce company to actually acknowledge our existence.

To our merit, Australia enjoys saying we’re part of Asia — so we can categories ourselves with places that actually have money.



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