The results for FinTwit Round Two are in you degenerate scumbags. And a whole lot has happened. Buckle your seatbelts, grab a 40oz of your favorite malt liquor and tune in now as Mnuchins Munchies, the host of FinTwit Madness walks you through what happened in Round Two. Be sure to vote in Round Three, if you don’t you will be considered a poor (dumb).
Dr. Patrik Patel vs. The Prophet
The race between the esteemed Dr. Parik Patel, BA, CFA, ACCA and and The Prophet was a match for the ages. Dr. Parik attempted to use his army of Indian bot farms to out pace the Prophet. But it was not match as The Prophet called upon Moses, Jesus and the Lord Almighty to sway the race in his favor. The Prophet was later seen turning loaves of bread into bitcoin. Dr. Parik Patel was last seen in a convenience store telling customers, “thank you come again.”
Uncle Rico vs The Fly (disgusting)
Uncle Rico lost by a wide margin to the disgusting The Fly. Rumors are circling on FinTwit that The Fly bought his votes, just like he buys his followers. Uncle Rico drowned his sorrows at the trailer park with a $5 dollar steak and Julia Cordova by his side. The Fly was seen hovering around a pile of dog crap.
Queen Wartooth vs. Bad Econ Takes
Queen Wartooth won in a close race against Bad Econ Takes. Queen Wartooth was last seen at a victory party huffing gasoline with William Karaman.
Stock Market Hats vs. Elmo’s Short Volatility Fund
Stock Market Hats lost to Elmo’s Short Volatility Fund. Stock Market Hats was hauled to prison after getting caught using child labor in China to manufacture hats. Elmo’s Short Volatility was seen lighting a Tesla on fire and driving it into an Apple store.
Jerome Powell vs. Bag Holder Quotes
Jerome Powell handsomely beat Bag Holder Quotes. Jerome Powell celebrated by drinking too much boxed wine then passing out drunk on the toilet with his pants to his knees. Jerome Powell’s wife later served him divorce papers because he “sucks” in bed and she’d rather sleep with the 18 year-old pool boy.
Ashley vs. Doug Boneparth
Ashley destroyed the silver haired fox (Doug Boneparth). Ashely continued to insist she wants nothing to do with this competition while secretly purchasing votes on the black market. Doug Boneparth quit his job in wealth management and will now become a full time silver haired influencer.
Ramp Capital vs. Rudy Havenstein
Ramp Capital beat Rudy Havenstein. Ramp Capital was seen making fun of crippled people after injecting five peyote plants he grew in his garden.
Eloise Williams vs. Chadford Whitmore VI
The esteemed Senator, Eloise Williams, won against Chadford Whitmore VI. Eloise celebrated by drinking her own piss then passing out naked in downtown Boca. Chadford bet his life savings on this match and will now be moving back into his mom’s basement while Charles Gasparino ridicules him for life.