GameStop Pancake

GameStop ($GME) CEO, George Sherman announced that the company will be hosting a pancake event breakfast for the remaining retail shareholders of the company at the IHOP just down the road from the companies HQ in Grapevine, Texas.

He described the event as a “state of the union and team building hybrid,” before letting it slip that he also “Just wanted to see what these people actually looked like in real life.” The admission came after we split a bottle of Jim Beam at the hotel bar we met in. Nature’s truth serum.

Once he stopped fiendishly laughing, Sherman explained that he and the other members of the board felt that it was vital to address a chaotic few weeks with the collection of lunatics that were still “holding the line.” And yes, of course the multimillionaire visibly chortled trying to get that sentence out with a straight face.

In an unimpressive attempt at sounding sympathetic for the people that briefly made him a billionaire, he felt hosting a pancake breakfast was the perfect solution, as those “Reddit folk” probably hadn’t eaten a square meal in days—and likely wouldn’t be able to afford one soon.

The more that Sherman drank, the more unhinged he became, recounting “countless times,” that he and other board members had gone undercover in several of the company’s retail locations to watch down-and-out people get $42 exchanging their last generation consoles.

“It was hilarious!” He burst out, “You shoulda heard those jokers… ‘$42 dollars?! I paid $350 for it. I need money for rent!’ You could tell they don’t know how to handle their money…” He scoffed. “I mean, they were paying rent.

When the interview closed up, Sherman asked me if I wanted to journey over to another bar and look for single moms that we could dangle ‘GameStop Diamond Cards’ in front of, as offering their children a lifetime supply of free video games was a ‘surefire way to snag some low-income tail.’

I declined.

Despite it being a moral grey area for a journalist, I did inquire about a Diamond Card for my nephew. My query provoked a roar of laughter. Sherman couldn’t believe I didn’t realize they were made up.