Gold sold off dramatically this morning as investors realized they are sick and tired of being cavemen. “I’m done being a caveman gold investor,” Peter Schiff, long time caveman stated. “All I ever do is bang my gold bars on the ground like an ape. I’m frankly sick of it.”
The news of gold selling off is on the back of Pfizer coming out with a COVID-19 vaccine. Thousands of Americans celebrated the news by taking Viagra. “I can’t wait to finally make love to my husband again,” Karen, 47 stated. “It has been over seven years.”
President Donald Trump was rumored to be screaming and pulling his hair out over the Pfizer news. Rumors are circling that Pfizer was holding off on releasing the news to hinder his election as president.
Bitcoin continued to soar despite the perceived notion that it is a hedge against a currency collapse. Naïve investors still haven’t realized that bitcoin is a long on the black market.