U.S. Senators

A group of highly respected senators have front ran the stock market ahead of the GameStop hearing with Keith Gill. According to sources, the senators have used valuable insider information to gain an edge and make large sums of money.

“Sure, we know everything that Citadel, Melvin and Gill are going to say ahead of time,” Kelly Loeffler stated. “This is super valuable information and I have informed my husband to make trades ahead of this information being leaked.

The SEC turned a blind eye to the blatant insider trading taken by these respected senators and have instead decided to focus on throwing 16 year old reddit investors in prison for life. “The real threat to the integrity of the markets is a group of redditors who call themselves retards,” the SEC stated in a press release.