Harold Hamm spills mashed potatoes over pleated suit pants at White House meeting

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Washington – The inevitable has come.  Scuzzy Washington politicians and the ‘rough and rowdy’ energy executives are meeting today to discuss the state of America’s oil and gas industry.  Citizens around the U.S have cheered seeing gas at the pump go from $4.20 per gallon to a low of $0.69 cents per gallon.  “Low oil prices are the one good thing about this virus thingy,” blue collar worker Steven Bayler said.  Low oil prices indeed.  I never thought in my life a 77-pack of Natural Light beer would costs more than a barrel of oil.  But that’s the way she goes.  The ones who are not benefiting are the overlevered and uneconomical shale energy producers.  “I had to shut my energy company down and take a measly $15 million severance,” CEO Muck Davis of Blacking Petroleum said.  But all is not lost.  Washington politicians are meeting with the top energy executives to discus the state of the industry this moment.  According to Fly on the White House Wall, there has been zero incremental benefits from this meeting thus far.  However, we would note that Harold Hamm has spilled mashed potatoes all over his pleated suit pants, even getting gravy in his cuffs.

The likelihood of something happening is slim.  Trump claims that production will come down 10-15 million barrels per day.  But who is going to cut this production? The Saudis?  Russia? Or Canada with their measly 4.5 million barrels per day?  And even if production is cut by 10-15 million barrels per day no one is driving cars, flying planes or doing jack.  The math won’t work, and the inevitable will happen.  U.S. Shale industry is dead.

But hey, at least Jared Kushner is taking advantage of this situation.

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