AUSTIN, TX – High School graduation speeches are typically tame affairs, highlighting gratitude to teachers and parents, a heartfelt story of how a friendship helped push someone to succeed, and a few inspirational quotes peppered in. This was not the case when local Austin high schooler Amy Jones took the stage Friday night, throwing out her approved valedictorian speech and instead rambling for three minutes on the advantages of the cryptocurrency NothingCoin (NADA).
“We’ve all seen what Dogecoin can do with basically no utility other than a half-funny meme. Imagine the opportunity of a cryptocurrency that is optimized to do absolutely nothing!” said Jones, batting away administrators that were frantically attempting to pull her away from the podium. “Listen to me, the coin does absolutely nothing! This coin is going to moon in no time!”
Reactions to the speech were mixed and many grumblings could be heard throughout the auditorium as Jones was pulled from the stage. Gerald Hayes runs a tractor rental business that is also a partner in education for Jones’s high school and he was not enthusiastic about her actions.
“To go up there in front of people who are there just to celebrate their kids’ achievements and bogart the stage to pump a shit coin? I mean seriously, does this girl have any class?” said Hayes while spitting out a dip of chewing tobacco.
To her credit, many audience members were impressed with her message. Jaime Hedemann was a mother of two graduates that night and said she enjoyed the unconventional speech.
“My husband and I are Doge and Cumrocket hodlers ourselves, but we thought Amy’s passion for a coin that does nothing was quite contagious,” said Hedemann. “It’s really refreshing among all the other speeches that lied to graduates about how much potential they have and how great their future will be to hear a frank talk about how there is absolutely nothing to look forward to.”
Initially the school sought to withhold Jones’s diploma for the lack of decorum, but when threatened to be sued for a “10x bagger of nothing,” the school relented and Amy Jones walked out a full graduate.