Homeowner Dies

In an effort to capitalize on surging lumber prices a homeowner in Cherry Hill, NJ was killed when the weight of his collapsing two story colonial crushed him to death.

“I told him to stop, but he insisted saying that he needed the support beam in the basement to repay his margin call to Robinhood,” his wife, Judith Jones told Stonk Media following the incident.

“He was certain stacking his collection of Finance for Dummies books under the cross beams was enough, but now he’s gone and since he leveraged his life insurance policy to cover options on DOGE, I’m now a broke widow without a home.”