Jeffrey Toobin Zoom

With the remarkable news that hero, Jeffrey Toobin, accidentally wanked himself off at work, we decided to compile the best ways someone can tug their shaggin’ wagon while on the job.  Here are the best ways to accidentally wank yourself at work.

Accidentally fall and slip into a wank

When you have a really bad urge to crank one out, just accidentally slip and fall into a wank session.  I like to wear extra big shoes when doing this.  Act like I’m walking to the printer then, opps, trip and fall into a wank session.

Go to the bathroom and accidentally shake it too much

A great way to accidentally crank a couple out a work is in the bathroom.  Instead of shaking your dong a couple times when done peeing, accidentally shake it a one hundred times.

Pull your pants down and accidentally crank one out on a Zoom call

This works especially well when you are a boomer and have no idea what technology is.  When you are on a break from a Zoom call, feel free to accidentally pull your pants down and crank one out while everyone is watching.  When everyone gets mad at you claim it was an accident.

Accidentally get coffee while tugging your trouser snake

If it’s early in the morning, accidentally tug your trouser snake while grabbing coffee.  Tugging your trouser snake while grabbing coffee kills two birds with one stone.  And is a great way to be super productive.

Pretend you are tucking your shirt in

If your office has a bed, feel free to lay down in it and “pretend” to tuck your shirt in.  This works really well if there is a blonde lady in the room and you are being filmed.  When asked if you were cranking one out, just say you were tucking your shirt in.



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