GameStop Wife

“Why not me?”, you asked yourself as you watched the price of Gamestop continue to rise defying all logic. You saw the posts on twitter and the gainz on the news. The people were sticking it to the hedge funds and you wanted to be a part of it.

On Wednesday the 27th, you decided it was your time to buy. For $34,700 you got yourself 100 shares of $GME and strapped yourself in for your trip to the moon. According to your extensive due diligence (reading 4 posts on reddit.com) you just made the best investment of your life. When the gamma squeeze hits on Friday you will have tripled your investment!

Well as I sit here writing this on February the 10th, we both now know that it was in fact not the best investment of your life and that you are not only extremely stupid but also poor.

While the slap in the face of losing $30,000 in a matter of days may sting, the worst is yet to come. You now must break it to your wife that the money you two had been diligently saving for your children’s education has just been flushed down the toilet. But fear not! I have compiled a list of the pros and cons of this great country’s public school system that will surely save your marriage. I will start with the Cons:

Cons

  • Overcrowding has become an epidemic with over 30 children per classroom on average
  • 21% of public high school students read below a 5th grade level, and 19% of graduates cannot read entirely.
  • Every year, only 69% of American high school seniors earn their diploma.
  • High school dropouts are 8 times more likely to go to prison.
  • Your child is not getting into Harvard

And now for the pros:

Pros

  • Just kidding there are no pros. Have fun living with the fact you destroyed the future earnings potential of your family lineage for generations to come.