Goldfish Pomp

For centuries, professional torture chamber-men forced individuals to read extremely annoying tweets as a form of punishment.  This form of torture started in the Roman era when Jesus Christ was forced to read annoying tweets from Jemele Hill, which ultimately ended up in a tragic death.

As told in history books, this inhumane punishment morphed during World War I when the English Army broadcasted annoying tweets from Rush Limbaugh into the German trenches, where many German soldiers took their lives.  Post-World War I, the punishment was banned, citing how it was inhumane, diabolical and barbaric.

So seeing as I am a sick and psychopathic individual, I forced my pet goldfish to read Anthony Pompliano tweets and he killed himself.  It was quite tragic, but at the same time, extremely hilarious.

To set up my homemade torture chamber on Goldie, I installed a 160 inch TV right outside of Goldie’s fish tank.  I then put Pomp’s tweets on a continuous loop.  The tweets were read and narrated by the annoying Ben Stein.  I had to put ear plugs in and close my eyes so I wouldn’t kill myself.

After five short minutes, Goldie jumped out of his fish tank and killed himself.  The last thing Goldie said was, “bitcoin is going to zero.”  That was right before I flushed him down the toilet.

Apparently, not even a braindead goldfish with an IQ of 3.25 couldn’t last more than five minutes of continuous tweets about how great bitcoin is.  I will be using this technique next on my grandmother (rich) by forcing her to read Winklevoss tweets.