Tesla S&P 500

Yo you guys.  When I was at my grandparents house this weekend.  It smelled of mothballs and death.  Well anyways, while we were eating unsalted meatloaf at the dinner table I told my grandpa, a die hard value investor, that Tesla was to be added to the S&P 500 and he ended up dying of COVID-19 complications.

My grandpa has been holding J.C. Penny common stock since like 1930.  He is one of those die hard value investors.  Loves crap like St. Joe and went nuts deep into Kmart at the peak.  He told me bitcoin is a fraud and Apple is just a stupid tech company.  He doesn’t even know how to turn his TV half the time.  So I never took any tech investing advice from that old windbag.

When I told him that Tesla was to be added to the S&P 500 he choked on a massive piece of meatloaf.  While choking he just stared in my eyes with hatred that I have never seen before.  A burning hate knowing that I won.  You see, I owned a trunk load of Tesla stock and getting included into the S&P 500 increased its valuation by $50 billion.

Since my grandpa had a ‘do not resuscitate’ order I was able to watch the last remaining value investor die from a painful agony that he will never see the massive tech to value rotation that he has been talking about for the past thirty years.  Right before he took his last breath I whispered into his ear, “value is dead pops” then finished the remaining meatloaf on his plate.

When the paramedics arrived they told me that grandpa had died of COVID-19 complications.  I laughed and bought more work from home tech stocks.