On a late Friday night, I was browsing the internet and taking rips off my trusty crack pipe. When I was about to call it quits and lay down for the night I  came across a video that changed my life.

The video was called Perky Wall Street Tips. Perky Wall Street Tips stars a young lady named Diana. In the videos Diana slowly takes off her clothes while speaking in a monotone voice and discussing the financial markets.

“Holy fuck,” I thought to myself while swiggin’ the rest of my 40oz King Cobra and picking the crabs out of my bush. “This is the Mia Khalifa of high finance – the next CNBC.”

I immediately fell in love with Perky Wall Street Tips. I called my broker and told him we needed to make long calls on bobs and vagene. The only thing on my mind was Stonks Gone Wild.

Perky Wall Street Tips could easily put CNBC out of business. Especially if they end the video in a money shot. Anyways, here is an interview with the Star of Perky Wall Street Tips, Diana.

Background of yourself?

I’m from Florida. I’m 23 years old and a health sciences student at a University. I am also a part time model and still studying healthcare.

What is Perky Wall Street Tips?

It’s a weekly skit where I remove my clothes while giving the outlook for the coming week in the equities and other financial markets.

How long have you been doing Perky Wall Street Tips?

A couple of weeks now.

Give us a Perky Tip?

If you are not making six figures you gotta be long dicks.

What is the best investment idea you have?

Right now? Short SPY with long put options dated two months out. Preferably ITM.

What is the best stock idea to play the Coronavirus?

Long Heineken NV

Who will win the Presidential Election? How do you plan to position your portfolio ahead of the election?

Bernie Sanders takes the DNC, Trump wins reelection. Buy LEAPS

Give some advice on how someone can make a million dollars in a short amount of time?

Taking your clothing off on camera. (https://onlyfans.com/alexerv –> I’ll be here for a lingerie shoot sometime this week)

Who is your investment hero?

Martha Stewart – the inside information queen

Where can readers find you at?

You can find us degenerates hanging out at r/wallstreetbets and u/haupt91 is my daddy and Brawl Street (my team) on YouTube. You can also find ME personally on Instagram, Twitter, Medium and YouTube.

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