Great news procrastinators, this year you will get an extra month to file your federal taxes thanks to Commissioner Rettig’s desire to make room for his staff’s birthday parties. The new due date for standard employees to file their taxes is now May 17th.

“Generally we like to put April 15th down as the date your taxes are due, but when we started to look at our April calendar we really were just so booked up with employee birthdays and vacations that we decided to just go ahead and move it out a month,” said IRS Commissioner Charles Rettig upon issuing the announcement. “People think we are just a cold, heartless organization but if you really take a closer look, nothing could be further from the truth. Look! Carol brought in doughnuts today!”

This action marks the second time that the filing deadline has been moved, with the first being last year due to the global COVID-19 pandemic. Moving the deadline for employee birthdays and vacations is unprecedented for the service, but many felt that it was the right thing to do given what the department has been through this past twelve months.

“You forget that most of these employees didn’t get to celebrate their birthday last year,” said HR Block Chief Analyst David Garfield, “I think it’s great that the organization recognizes their employees’ needs first. Tax day will come, but birthdays only happen when they happen.”

Though most IRS deadlines are largely considered absolute, moving the largest and most important deadline for the organization at the whim of the Commissioner is well in line with the purpose of the organization. Submitting one’s tax return on time rarely happens anyway, and for the majority of high-income Americans never happens at all. Thus, the move – while highly unusual – is largely trivial in the overall operations of the IRS.

Howard Lipkowitz, chair of the Taxation Studies Department at the Chicago School of Economics agrees, stating that moving out the deadline for employee birthdays is unlikely to have any material impact on markets.

“Delaying tax collections by a month is likely to have some impact on the health of the federal budget, but really that’s like asking if a man suffering from a heart attack is going to notice a hang nail on his left foot,” said Lipkowitz. “The market has already priced in the fact that the federal government is running on what is essentially monopoly money, maybe worse than that since monopoly money is actually real.”

Either way, taxpayers across the country are rejoicing that they now have one more month to come up with better fake names for their non-existent dependents and gin up fake charity receipts.