ISIS GameStop

Feared terrorist group ISIS has claimed responsibility for executing a massive short position on GameStop that might have caused the massive lag it has been experiencing in price within the past week.

A representative of the Islamic State spoke with The Stonk Market exclusively to explain their reasoning for what is now being called “the greatest terror attack on this country since 9/11.”

In a statement sent to us, Al-Asad Anwar said “There is no easier way to deplete the hopes and dreams of millions of young Americans than by shorting GameStop. These young people hope to escape the void of getting higher education and then being wage slave up until their death. By shorting GameStop we help makes this all the harder, for the average American to gain financial freedom, and we will continue to short GameStop so long as the Department of Defense owes our oil money allows us to.”

Many Wallstreetbets users were enraged by this act of terror, some even considering joining in the military as some act of patriotism and revenge, most users however dismissed this idea citing physical and mental requirements to join the army that the average Wallstreetbets user doesn’t fulfill. It is unclear if the Islamic State still has a short position opened in GameStop, however, there is chatter of another short incoming on the recently IPO’d Coinbase.