The Stonk Market is pleased to announce that Jacob Wohl has officially been voted the world’s worst criminal! This is a highly prestigious award only given out to the worst of the worst criminals. David Wohl, you should be proud!
In reality, we literally have no idea how someone could be such a horrible criminal. I didn’t even think the criminal activities Jacob Wohl has participated in even existed.
I mean who even thinks to recruit young girls on Craigslist to solicit rich men for your fake investing fund. Or saying you have 35 years of house flipping experience when you are only 18. The kid is a criminal mastermind! But a dumb one at that.
I’ll will have to admit, getting banned from the Nationals Futures Association (“NFA”) was impressive at such a young age. And I would have thought Jacob would have learned his lesson. But all of the criminal activity that has followed…my god kid, you need to learn how not to get caught.
What’s amazing is the amount of times Jacob has gotten caught doing these “activities”. But step back and think about it for a second. Jacob has literally gotten caught more than a handful of times in these elaborate schemes where he tries to frame high profile individuals – Muller, Buttigieg and Fauci. Yet think about all of the criminal activity Jacob hasn’t been caught doing. I blew my own mind thinking about that.
I’d bet you $10,000 dollars the criminal activity Jacob hasn’t gotten caught doing will blow the socks off your dead grandma. Knowing this slimeball, I wouldn’t be surprised if Jacob is currently scheming to dump nuclear waste on an old folk’s home for a few thousand bucks in cold hard cash. Or maybe I’m not thinking big enough. Jacob could be scheming to start the next nuclear war with Russia for a couple grand and notoriety.
Still, you shouldn’t worry too much about Jacob and his schemes. It’s likely the kid will be in his prison blues in no time. You know there is a reason why Jacob is bulking up, right? If I were to bet, Jacob will be locked up in a couple of years tops.
In the meantime, Jacob, if you are reading this, congrats on the award. You are literally the world’s worst criminal. Hang that up on your wall behind your goofy bookshelf!